NHL General Manager's Boot Camp - the Summer 2008 Edition

On the brink of the NHL playoffs, those teams that are shut out of the post season may well be thinking of the golf course when they should be pondering next season.

While the players may have a month or two to dally about the tee, the general managers have a much tougher row to hoe. Between tee times, business lunches, massages, and meetings with their financial advisors, GMs have to get down to the business of creating next year's Stanley Cup contender.

Good news, GMs! I have decided to make your jobs much easier this season by offering an intensive Boot Camp! Whether you are a seasoned veteran such as Holland or Sutter, or a fresh faced rookie like Hull, we've got a workshop for you, with lessons from your past and present compatriots!

(Don't worry about the tee times, either; as always, the event will be conveniently held in proximity of at least 7 world class golf courses. )

After a keynote address Friday evening by president Gary Bettman, a black tie cocktail party and schmooze session will be held in the hotel.

The tentative schedule is as follows:

1. Free Agents: Fierce or Freeloaders? by Wendell Clark and Ray Bourque

2. How to keep your team in the red and out of Canada by Gary Bettman, Bill Wirtz and Barry Shenkarow

3. Kids with Skills: Find them, keep them by Ray Shero and Kevin Lowe

4. How to run a profitable club and never win by Richard Peddie and the ghost of Harold Ballard

5. Shoestring Budget, Cup Contender by Lou Lamoriello

6. Winnning in the regular season means squat in the playoffs: A personal perspective by Marshall Johnston

7. Dumb Trades and how to avoid them by Bob Gainey and Daryl Sutter

Don't delay, book your spaces now!

Oh, unless you happen to be Cliff Fletcher, Dave Nonis, Jay Feaster, Garth Snow, or Dean Lombardi. Your spots are already reserved, and attendance is mandatory.

Bertuzzi-Moore saga a tragedy, not a soap opera

Once again, Steve Moore and Todd Bertuzzi are in the media spotlight.

Bertuzzi is arguing that Marc Crawford should be named by Moore in his lawsuit (and thus contribute to any damages Moore might eventually be awarded) because he told his players, in the locker room on March 8, 2004, that Moore “should pay the price” for his hit on Marcus Naslund.

Double check that date in the above paragraph. March 8, 2004. Four years have passed since the tragic events occurred. Why is this still dragging on?

I could resurrect the arguments on whether Bertuzzi’s punch or the ensuing dog pile actually caused Moore’s injury, but I won’t. I tired of that argument three years ago, as most of you did.

To most of us, the issue is long settled, and we really don’t want to hear anything more about it. That was my initial thought when I started reading the headlines this week.

The more I looked into it, though, the more I realized what a tragedy this actually has become. In a soap opera, someone will eventually be punished, the victor moving on to the next story in the sub-plot. That isn’t going to happen here.

Two men have had the course of their lives changed by a single moment of stupidity.

One man continues to play the game he loves, but with a marred reputation and a sub-par skill level.

The other man has never been able to return to the game, and must watch the man responsible continue his life, making millions while he struggles through rehabilitation. Can you imagine how that must feel?

I don’t need Joni Mitchell to look at both sides now, and realize that this is a no-win situation. Not for Bertuzzi, for Moore, or for the NHL.

This lawsuit is still in the discovery phase. I’m sorry, but if a criminal had to wait four years from charges to trial, the entire world would be crying about due process and timely justice. Did Crawford tell his players to make Moore pay? Possibly. He wouldn’t need to, however, because that was the thought running through every player’s minds anyway. That’s the mentality of the NHL. Had the instigator penalty not existed, Moore probably would have been jumped immediately after the hit, and that would have been the end of it. (Let’s not get into the instigator argument here, though. Perhaps later.)

I’m not saying I agree or disagree with the lawsuit. What I’m arguing for is resolution to this issue, once and for all. No more dragging in other people, looking for others to blame.

Resolution, so two men might get on with their lives. One playing the game he loves, and the other finding a new path in the world. Until this lawsuit is finished, both men and their families will be forced to live in the past.

Therein lies the tragedy of it all.

Dion pouting...again

In one of my favourite fanatasy novels, a teenage king is reminded by one of his advisors that "a king who has to remind everyone his is king...is no king at all."

Perhaps Stephane Dion should take that advice when dealing with unruly Quebec wing of his party.

Following a meeting with the Quebec executive, Dion stated, "I'm the leader, and I don't want any more indiscipline."

Well, thank goodness for that, Mr. Dion. Obviously you don't want dissention in the ranks. Unfortunately, life isn't a fantasy novel.

The question is, what will he do about it?

Oh wait, I know the answer. Nothing.

Just like he always does.

If you want to remain leader, Mr. Dion, I humbly suggest you start leading.

Conservatives against censorship

Sometimes I am frightened by what I see on television.

When the show that I'm watching features Mary Walsh and some guy from some lobbyist group, I would normally bet that Walsh will provide more entertainment value. I mean, this is the lady that slathered bright red lipstick all over Stephen Harper, tells dirty jokes to Paul Martin, and constantly reminded Canadians not to take our politicians seriously.

Imagine my surprise when the greatest source of my amusement came from Charles McVety, the president of the Canada Family Action Coalition. Mary Walsh wasn't even close.

He was on the Hour to discuss Bill C-10, which will allow the government to refuse funding for film projects that are deemed offensive. No wait, sorry, it's an income tax bill. Oops.

I'm not getting into a debate over that. To me, it's fairly cut and dried. Quite honestly, if what is being created is so great, you shouldn't need my tax dollars to pay for it. The issue itself wasn't the source of my amusement; nor was it the demeanor of the host, who obviously wanted to strangle McVety. It was a quote about censorship.

"I'm a Conservative!" exclaimed McVety. "I'm against censorship!"

Are you laughing yet? Because I am.

Conservatives? Censorship? No, the current Conservative government doesn't apply any principles to the general public that it wouldn't apply to its own party.

By the way, when was the last time Stephen Harper faced a media scrum without pre-submitted questions? The last time a cabinet minister was able to make a comment of their own violition?

Short answer: you can't remember, because it doesn't happen. It's a tightly censored ship that the Conservatives run. And the CFAC is near and dear to the government's heart. That's why this remark so glaringly stands out in my mind.

On their website, the CFAC applauds the efforts of Maclean's magazine columnist by Mark Steyn, currently facing charges from the Canadian Human Rights Commission for published material that offended members of the Muslim community (from his book America Alone, discussing the dangerous rise of Islamic fundamentalism in the western world). I agree that the charges are a travesty. If the media can't stir up controversy, then what is the point? I don't agree with all Steyn has to say, but hey, that's my right as a free-thinking Canadian.

Yes, the CFAC do stand for freedom of speech. When it suits their purposes. Immediately below the news links is a quote from Chris Hedges (author of I don't Believe in Atheists), attacking atheists as fundamentalists themselves. Ones that shouldn't be able to spread their blasphemy to our children. Because they (the Christian right) don't agree with it.

Hmm. Conundrum. Funny. Don't you think? So where exactly does the CFAC stand?

We're against censorship, as long as we can say what we like about you. You, on the other hand, can't say anything about us, or your own beliefs, because it offends us.

Just as a note, all the links on the website that explain the CFAC views currently do not work. The donation button, however, is alive and functioning well.

The NDP play hardball

For some reason, when I wrote a complaint letter to Jack Layton several years ago, I was added to the NDP’s mass mailing list.

By virtue of my own laziness, I remain on the list to this day. Once again, laziness proves fruitful for accidental amusement.

Jack Layton and the NDP are, as a federal political party, deeply concerned with helping Canadians and voicing these concerns in the Commons.

Oh wait. No they aren’t. They are concerned with the interest rates on your major credit cards.

That’s right. Forget governance. No one listens to all that whining anyway, particularly the “we don’t have a majority but we rule with an iron fist” Conservatives.

Jack Layton wants to stick it to the Conservatives and their big banker buddies by urging thousands of Canadians to demand lower credit card interest rates.

Now, I’m not implying that Canadians aren’t carrying massive amounts of debt on high interest credit cards, and that it isn’t a worry. We all worry about debt. But really, Jack, don’t you have more pressing issues to pursue? Or more effective ways to pick at Harper?

Because, quite honestly, he’s going to laugh when he reads this email. Don’t worry, someone will forward it to him. Maybe even me.

It’s just amusing that the NDP is so concerned about this, considering their own spending track record. Actually, it rather makes sense. Jack must be trying to improve his credit record before the next election.

Thank goodness for politicians. Otherwise, we’d only have celebrities and the monarchy to ridicule.

End of the Season For Revelstoke Grizzlies

The hometown boys just couldn't weather the storm. The Kamloops Storm, that is.

Beer tickets in hand, I located a small section of bench to call my own in the Revelstoke Forum for Game Seven on Thursday night. The Revelstoke Grizzlies had surmounted a 3 goal deficit the night before to force their series with the Kamloops Storm into Game Seven, and Revelstoke was ready.

I've written before about the passion and drive of junior hockey players, and how watching such games has rekindled my own love for the game.

Last night it was apparent many others in my little mountain town felt the same. An hour before the game, the arena was packed. By the time the puck dropped, it was standing room only. Over 900 people ventured out to cheer on the Griz in their last ditch effort to survive.

It was an exciting game, that was for certain. Both teams were determined to move on to the next round. It was apparent midway through the third period, however, that the Storm were just too much for the Grizzlies to handle.

Now, when you are almost certain a team is going to lose a game, there are two options a team can take: the high road, or the low road. The upper route, in this case, was to battle on until the buzzer went, keeping fists and tempers in check. The lower, and sometimes more entertaining option, is to take out the disappointment and frustration on the opposing team.

I've seen many games where the latter option is chosen. Not at the junior level, but in the elite leagues. Grown men who lose control as their dreams of victory are shattered, who throw down their sticks and use their fists instead of their brains.

The Storm and the Grizzlies have a history of chippy, emotional games. I've witnessed several that degenerated quickly into penalty box parades and cheap shots along the boards.

Not last night.

The Grizzlies put their entire effort into winning the game, right until the final buzzer sounded. When it did, and the scoreboard showed defeat, the boys didn't watch their opponents celebrate in sullen silence. They circled their goalie in a show of solidarity, raising their sticks to the victors.

As the teams shook hands, there were smiles and jokes being exchanged. Many of the players had a hug for the opposition.

When the announcer asked the crowd (whose standing ovation lasted from the last minute until well after the game's end) to congratulate the winners, there wasn't a boo-bird to be heard.

In an even larger show of sportsmanship, the Storm then applauded the Grizzlie's playoff run effort along with the hometown fans.

Congratulations, Kamloops Storm, and good luck as you move on to the next round.

Thank you to all players from both teams for demonstrating, once again, what true sport is about.

More BC Driving

I always get the urge to write about driving after, or just before, a road trip.

Tomorrow, I will depart Revelstoke for the wild and wooly drive to Calgary, Alberta.

In my journey, I will face two mountain passes and Canada's most deadly section of highway. There are mountain goats, avalanches, falling rock, hairpin turns, and potholes the size of Brian Mulroney's ego. Once I safely navigate the mountains, I must weave and wander through traffic to Calgary's northeast and the airport.

Then, I turn around and do it all over again.

Now, the dangers above are pretty standard on BC highways, but they aren't the reason the highway is so deadly, or why I dread the drive.

That prize goes to my fellow motorists.

If you've ever driven this section of highway (particularly on a holiday) you'll know exactly what I'm feeling. It's a combination of dread and resignation. Why? Because there are too many idiots behind the wheel, just waiting to cause me grief.

These are the people who are in a rush to be everywhere. They need that extra ten seconds passing me on a double line will bring them onroute to their snowmobiling/houseboating/skiing vacation. They are the truckers who were delayed by accidents and avalanches and have time to make up so they can scratch out a living.

Actually, the truckers are usually great, except when they are cut off and forced to respond by the idiots mentioned above.

Here is a shortlist of the infractions I usually witness/narrowly avoid when I travel this road:

• tailgating
• passing on double lines
• passing on turns
• passing on the right shoulder
• passing at speeds in access of 150 km/h (then slowing to 60 km/h on the next bend)
• failure to use turn signals
• failure to use headlights
• passing in snow sheds (yep, I can't believe it either)
• cutting off transport trucks
• cutting off snowplows
• blinding oncoming traffic with high beams (on purpose)
• aggressive and intimidating driving
• excessive speeding
• ignoring posted avalanche warning signs
• passing flagpersons at excessive speeds and ignoring signage
• passing accidents at excessive speeds
  

But don't tell my mother. She worries.

Gibson Sues Activision over Guitar Hero

This just makes my day.

I love Gibson guitars. I own a 1976 Mark series MK 81, and it's the love of my life.

On the opposite end of the scale, I hate Guitar Hero (see my previous posing in January about all the reasons why).

So, when I see something like this happen, it just warms my little heart.

See, Gibson claims it had a patent in place for a video game device similar to the guitar used in Guitar Hero. Activision claims it is not in violation of any patent.

Wow. Once again, everyone is right and wrong at the same time. I love american justice. It's my favourite oxymoron.

Not that anything will become of the lawsuit. But it still makes me giggle on my birthday.

Creating a set list is hard work

I've got a gig on Thursday night, opening for a Kelowna artist here in town. I've got six-eight songs to play and a local crowd to impress.

So I just pick eight songs, practice 'em up, and let 'em rip on Thursday, right?

Wrong.

Choosing songs, and the order in which to play them, is a tough job. Music creates a mood. A mood creates memories. Memories create fans that will later buy stuff and make me money.

So choosing the right songs, putting them in the right order, and performing them well is important to my future financial security. Or so I'd like to think.

Meanwhile, all I can think about is the lame 98 degrees song that was playing on the hotel stereo this morning. It's inhibited my ability to function properly. Three hours of classic rock haven't banished it from my consciousness. Sigh.

Crazy Train, anyone?

The NHL: Who Cares?

The NHL is a freight train heading straight for playoff station, and I haven’t watched a game in two weeks.

No, nothing is wrong. I haven’t lost my interest in hockey. The tight races in the East and West briefly garner my attention for a few minutes each day. I read reports on the games, check the stats, but most of the time my mind is elsewhere.

Specifically, my attention is focused on grizzlies. The Revelstoke Grizzlies.

Never heard of them? I’m not surprised. They’ve captured my imagination and hope in the past two weeks, and I’ve abandoned the big leagues for Junior B hockey.

The Kootenay International Junior Hockey League might not make the national news, but their playoff season has started and my town is gripped with playoff fever.

The Revelstoke Grizzlies won the division title for the first time in many years two weeks ago, sparking a renewed public interest in the team. The tiny local arena has been bursting with over 450 people attending games to cheer on the boys.

To add to the excitement, the first round matched up the Grizzlies with their nearest geographical rivals, the Sicamous Eagles. Forty minutes of Trans Canada highway were flowing with bad blood and championship dreams.

The seven game series came right down to the wire, with Revelstoke emerging victorious in the dying minutes of the third on Saturday night. The arena was at capacity and the beer was flowing. The celebration spilled out in to the parking lot, and fans were furiously texting the news of victory out into the world.

I loved it. Watching those kids battle night after night, seeing their determination, their love of the game, their drive to achieve their dreams, has renewed my own passion for the sport. You can smell their hunger. Literally, if you sit behind the bench.

Number 29 might outweigh everyone in the league, and the boards shake (in Revelstoke, they are still actually "boards") when he delivers a bone-crushing hit. Fifteen is a small, speedy forward with delicate hands and a short fuse.

The fans bring cowbells. Revelstoke being a railway town, they even have a train whistle. Instead of playoff beards (because some of them can’t yet grow one, I imagine) the players all bleached their hair a gaudy Gwen Stefani blonde.

Minor hockey kids hover beside the bench, talking to the players and watching their idols. High school girls walk around in too little clothing and too much makeup, eating French fries out of paper cups. Five dollars buys an arm’s length of fifty-fifty tickets.

My $8 ticket brings me more excitement, more passion, and more satisfaction than any expensive NHL ticket ever has. So, until the big guys give me a reason to return, I’ve voluntarily gone to the minors. And I’m loving every minute of it.

Spank your kids? Might as well hand them a cigarette

Do you spank your kids? Were you spanked as a child yourself?

Apparently you and your kids are headed down a long slippery slope.

I opened this article with my inner skeptic already perked. It just worsened the further I read.

Psychologists don't like spanking. I've known this for years. Spanking kids makes them more violent, causes distress, etc. etc. blah blah.

My mom spanked me. My friend's mom spanked me. You can be damn sure if they did, I certainly deserved it. I'm not psychologically scarred in any way. In fact, I'd probably be more of a delinquent if they hadn't deterred me from my evil ways. No threat ever worked quite as well as a swat on the bum.

This article on spanking claims that I am not the norm, but the exception. As a spanked child that functions normally in adulthood, I am likened to a smoker who reaches the age of 60 without lung cancer. It doesn't make smoking good for you, it just means that person is lucky.

Linked with spanking are apparent higher rates of partner abuse, crime, violence, and my personal favourite, sexual deviance.

Scientists have also recently found a link between married couples and pancreas size. You can find a link anywhere if you look hard enough for one.

I'm not saying a daily spanking, prolonged spanking, or smacking your kids across the face is okay. Far from it. That is wrong. Any action based on anger is wrong. An occasional smack on the butt as a disciplinary tactic is an entirely different matter.

I would invite any of these scientists performing such a study to operate as a substitute teacher or caregiver for a week to test out their theories. To live with obstinate kids who will not change their behaviour, who are rude, billigerent, violent and ill-behaved (and have never been physically disciplined). I personally suggest the 12 to 14 year old range for maximum effect.

These children are immune to current popular forms of discipline. They are savvy little sneaks who know exactly what they can get away with. No punishment fazes them; they have been allowed to run over everyone since birth. Many times attempted discipline is thwarted by the parents themselves, who teach disrespect to their children through their lack of discipline.

These same psychologists will also tell you that children don't develop the ability to understand reason or consequence until they approach the age of ten. Why then do they advocate reasoning as an explanation for punishment with these same kids?

A little healthy fear and respect would do them all a world of good. If a psychologist wanted to train a rat not to touch something, it would use a pain stimulus as a deterrent. What's good for rats is good for brats, I say.

What avenue of discipline remains for parents? For educators? For any of us?

What do you thnk