Telephones, circular reasoning, and resulting madness

I'd like to leave my election mockery for the moment and rant about something somewhat related.

The Canadian Revenue Agency has a helpful online site where you can log on, see your tax files, do your business tax/GST filing, and many other things. If you haven't your stacks of paper and last year's return, it's a handy place to get information.

However, if you don't have those stacks of paper, it is impossible to register for online account access. In my many moves this past year, my tax forms were relegated to a box and that box stored somewhere beyond my immediate grasp. Hence my desire to sign up online.

With that out of the question, I looked up all the phone numbers I would need for the two relatively simple task at hand. One, I wanted to change my address with the CRA. Two, I wanted to double check that my GST account for my former business had been closed.

I found out that address changes can be made by telephone, mail, and fax. I called the appropriate toll-free number, pressed buttons for five minutes, and was finally placed on hold in the correct department. Fifteen minutes later I was cut off. I decided to send the address change in the mail, wrote down the address, and moved on to the GST stuff.

Let it be known that I hate bookwork, I hate tax forms, and I hate accounting. I learned all three while operating my own business, but I loathe them to this day. I wanted this ordeal to be as short and painless as possible.

Finding the numbers on the business GST site was a little more complicated, but I found what I thought was the appropriate one and dialled accordingly. Another automated system. Four menus later I was in what I thought was the correct place. At no point was I given an option to speak to a real agent.

Turns out that this number only gives automated information. I couldn't actually talk to anyone about my account, and it didn't tell me where I could call.

I'd spent about two hours now trying to complete two simple tasks. I was mad. Heck, I'm still mad. I went back to the internet, searched for more numbers. Again I was placed on hold and cut off.

As a last resort, I called my accountant, who informed me the GST file should have been closed for the business. I told him it wasn't. He told me to call the toll free number, press star, and explain to the agent that I was receiving nasty emails for GST remittance for a company that didn't exist.

I called the number. I pressed the star. No agent. More rage.

Why should it be so complicated? Why can't I just talk to a real person? Are all civil servants suddenly robots?

If a political party promises me easier access to my government services, I think that's great. If they promise me a phone number where I can talk to an actual person, they'd have my vote.